Cosmo? Cosmo is news?

So here's some balderdash: I went to Seattleweekly.com (first link) then I hit the News Tab (second link) and saw as the top choice for "News" was a link to this (three links total). Remember from the last run-on sentence how I was clicking on the "News" tab? How the fuck does pointing out how shitty Cosmopolitan's sex advice is make news?

A: It doesn't. That is not news. Nobody recently discovered that Cosmopolitan Magazine, despite years of accurate accounting, suddenly started offering bad sex advice. No scientist did a study on the effectiveness or accuracy of Cosmo's sex tips. They couldn't have done because Cosmo isn't news and scientists don't often pay attention to Cosmo. Some dumb cluck just wanted to get paid for writing, "Skid-marked or period-stained panties." I'd also like to point out that, "Skid-marked or period-stained panties," is not a sentence. Now I'm not the grammar police all that often but, come on. At least start a proper list before doing lists.

Like: Seattle Weekly has a (so-called) news article about Cosmopolitan Magazine's most recent list of sex advice. In it they list a few, more practical, things to not do when attending to a new lover, including leaving soiled drawrers, hair ties, unlocked cellphones or your STD medication.

If you are stupid enough to leave your Zovirax at a some guy's apartment that you just humped at for the first time, you should stop boning people outside of your family. Assuming you ever started. Idiot.

Remember to take your medication.

Here's the first one.

Already I know I'm going to hate doing this blog. Normally I stop reading blathering bullshit as soon as I get too pissed off to continue. But no more. Now I will sit through achingly long broadcasts of hate mongers and lazy pundits just projectile vomiting gobbledygook to keep the camera on their pancake lathered faces. I will read, all the way to the end, the rambling contrite works of opinion passed off as news reporting or observation. I know giving name to one's enemy makes them stronger but I just gotta point out the flaws in the Emperor's tailor.

For example: http://www.seattleweekly.com/2010-09-01/music/in-defense-of-courtney/. Go ahead, read it. Then come back to this. I'll list the flaws in this diatribe in order of appearance.

1. "It's not her, Seattle, it's you." No it isn't. At no point in this rant does the author provide any evidence that Seattle and its citizens have ever unfairly criticized Courtney Love. In fact, she does point out that all of the things Ms. Love has been criticized for are either reasonable or unimportant to her, the author. Except for one parenthetical aside...